Report Card

Father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was
astonished to see the bed was nicely made and
everything was neat and tidy. Then he saw an
envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the
pillow. It was addressed

"Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the
envelope and read the
letter with trembling hands:-

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing
you, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my new
boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with
Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Randy
and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him
you'll like him too - even with all his piercing,
tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the
passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants
me to have the kid and that we can be very happy
together. Even though Randy is much older than me
(anyway,42 isn't so old these days is it?), and has no
money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way
of our relationship, don't you agree?

Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a
trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for
the whole winter. It's true he has other girlfriends
as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own
way. He wants to have many more children with me and
that's now one of my dreams too. Randy taught me that
marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be
growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends
for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the
meantime, we'll pray that science will find a
cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure
deserves it!!


Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how
to take care of myself.
Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get
to know your grandchildren.


Your loving daughter,
Rosie.


At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO".
Hands still trembling, her
father turned the sheet, and read:


PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the
neighbour's house. I just wanted to remind you that
there are worse things in life than my report card
that's in my desk centre drawer. Please sign it and
call when it is safe for me to come home.